You just thought he was a die-hard Vikings fan but he’s never been to Minnesota and didn’t know the lyrics to “Skol Vikings”.
2. His toothbrush is a chisel
3. When July arrived, he was still donning the fur jumpsuit
Some people are always cold, you thought. And you were sure Great Uncle Voronkov must have spent a fortune on it. A little unconventional for sure, but it also demonstrated irresistible fashion daring.
Krampuses prefer fur
4. The card beside your photo in his wallet, is a Krampus store frequent shoppers card
Though he insists that his choice book bag is more environmentally friendly than backpacks made in developing countries by child labor, you couldn’t help but notice the naughty child compartment label hanging from the side.
Krampus Cow Bells
6. He wears cow bells on his butt
It makes him easier to find in Home Depot but they can get a bit annoying in the movie theater.
7. He always has chains but never a bike
8. Bring-along campfire
Whenever you go camping, he has a burning cauldron in tow. And you thought he was just an über-prepared eagle scout.
9. He owns a broom
He may insist on calling it a “Rute” but hey, at least he has one. If only he could manage to use it without always smacking you on the legs and derrière.
10. He disappears all night on December 5
Krampuses also have glow-in-the-dark eyes
11. He grunts
You thought he had a bad case of snoring but he grunts ALL THE TIME.
12. He grew up in a cave
And his name’s not Flintstone and he never lived in Matera, Italy.
13. Little kids are on their best behavior when he’s around
They cower, do their homework, say please and thank you and even volunteer to do more chores (preferably errands that take them far away).
14. He buys you eau de toilette La Chèvre for your birthday
15. He doesn’t walk, he hops, runs or chases kids
16. His favorite song is “Ich bin das Böse”
17. When everyone else at the concert whipped out their iPhone flashlight App, he lit his torch.
Nikolaus Day is celebrated one day after Krampus and the two are often traveling companions
18. A bearded guy in red suit, tall cap and long walking stick hurling out bags of candy to all who pass shows up wherever you go.
19. He likes it when you’re naughty
Nevermind. On second thought, that proves nothing.
As mentioned, back in April of this year,the English language online news blog, The Local, featured “The Five Best Expat Blogs in Austria.” The five of us thought it might be fun to do something together so the other four ex-pat bloggers agreed to appear on my blog with their top 10 favorite things Austrian.
This week, week four, ex-pat blogger Carly Hulls, of the blog, Austrian Adaptation, an “Aussie girl’s perspective on living in Austria,” shares her top 10.
Expat Blogger, Carly Hull’s Top 10 Favorite Austrian Things
1) Food
Kaiserschmarren
It would be boring to say Schnitzel, so I’m going to go with Kaiserschmarrn. But its only best when you’re at the top of a Mountain after a morning of skiing in perfect bluebird conditions – then it’s absolutely heavenly.
2) Drink
I’ve actually developed a deep love for the Apfelsaft gespritz since moving here, it weaned me off my Diet Coke addiction which can only be a good thing. Second vote would be a weiss wine gespritz or a Hugo on a summer’s day.
3) Film or TV Show
We don’t have a TV so I’m rubbish for that question and unfortunately my Deutsch is not quite up to watching Austrian films yet. On the advice of some of my blog readers I’ve just recently started watching Tatort to improve my German which is strangely intriguing.
Tatort Crime Series
4) Book
I’ve been making my way through some Stefan Zweig novels but my absolute favorite book to paint a picture of Austria/Vienna during WWII is Night Falls on the City by Sarah Gaiman. An incredibly vivid and moving read.
5) Month
October is beautiful. Fresh weather, Autumn leaves and the winter coats come out. I’m a summertime beach baby at heart but in Vienna, October is definitely the prettiest month – plus pumpkins are finally in season!
6) Place
Tirol. I’ll always have a soft spot for the mountains, the ski fields, the food and the gorgeous little villages. I’m always telling my mister that he grew up in a fairytale village.
Egon Schiele Self Portrait
7) Historical Figure
Tough call – you have to respect Maria Theresia for all that she did for Austria. But I think if I had to invite a party guest it would be Egon Schiele or Gustav Klimt to get their impressions of early 20th Century Europe and art.
8) Tradition / Past time
The Perchten festival in Tirol is a special one for me – my very first week in Austria was the week of Perchten and I had no idea what was going on but I loved it!Now I know what Krampus and the devils are all about and can dodge the ‘Teufels’ that roam the streets armed with coal.
9) Song
Any après-ski singalong that has dance moves to go along with it! They are so adorable and get the whole bar involved in ridiculous moves. The Fliegerlied is a fave because we taught my whole Aussie family all the moves last Christmas.
10) Word
Brustwarze. Come on…a wart on your breast is a nipple? That’s comedy gold, every time!
Dedicated to all Non-Americans in the USA who will celebrate Thanksgiving: Because I know what it’s like to be in a foreign country and have no idea what’s going on and wish someone had given me a quick run down on the essentials.
1) A Journey of a Thousand Delays begins with a Single Step – Score a Free Flight Voucher by being a Good Samaritan
Thanksgiving is one of the heaviest travel holidays of the year. This means that whether you are driving, flying or dog-sledding your way to Thanksgiving dinner, expect delays. Consider being a savvy traveler willing to take advantage of the chaos by booking your departure earlier than intended. This will allow you to be the kindly passenger who, out of the goodness of his/her heart, graciously offers to sacrifice his/her seat to the frantic lady from Jackson ready to hurl her QVC handbag at the poor Southwest “Hi-I’m-Alison” girl that just told Jackson purse murderess that the flight is overbooked. You step in and become hero of the day and entitled to a free ticket voucher. Not that the free tickets or cash you rack up as a volunteer for a later flight had anything to do with your willingness to be a good Samaritan. And all good Samaritans need a place to sleep so don’t forget to ask about that either if you have to stay an extra day.
2) All relatives far and wide plus any strays and always room for more
Thanksgiving is THE holiday when all great aunts and not-so-great relatives from Anchorage, Alaska, to Auborn, Alabama converge on Auntie Em’s 1964 ranch house in Arkadelphia, Arkansas to stuff themselves with over-bloated turkeys and mushroom soup green beans baked with a crust of cornflakes. Thanksgiving supersedes in size and chaos other holidays such as Easter and Christmas when families are less apt to travel and prefer smaller gatherings. Thanksgiving is also the holiday when all upstanding citizens of the home of the free and brave believe it their god-given civic duty as to ensure EVERYONE gets their share of stuffing and potatoes. Accept that if asked, you must comply. The only acceptable excuse for not attending a dinner is proof that you’ve already accepted an invitation to turkey elsewhere. And if you pick up another stray foreigner on your way to dinner, no worries. Bring ‘em along. Auntie Em can always get Uncle Frank to haul in the picnic table from the back porch and make room for more.
3) Thou Shallt Not Go Hungry and Must Have Pie
Thanksgiving turkey beauty
There will be lots and lots of food and then more food. Forget the diet. Rather than take normal portions, try a bit of everything because every dish probably stems from a different relative and you want to make sure each relative gets sufficient praise for his/her specific dish. Which brings me to the next point.
4) “I’ll bring the corn slime and you bring the yams with marshmallows”
On Thanksgiving, the host will make the turkey but everyone else offers to bring a dish. This is done by simply asking the host what you should bring. If the host tells you, ‘Nothing but yourself,’ don’t fall for it. You don’t have to feverishly search recipes.com for traditional Thanksgiving dishes. Bring something typical from your country– they’ll love it. Guaranteed. Especially if it’s not skewered guinea pigs.
5) So what? Even if it is an Acquired Taste – You MUST eat the pumpkin pie! Seriously!
OK, I have celebrated enough Thanksgivings with non-Americans to know that –sadly – the American passion for pumpkin pie is not universally shared. Yes, it’s pumpkin. Yes, pumpkin is a squash. Yes, we mix it with sugar, condensed milk and cinnamon and then slap on a mountain of whipped cream and call it desert. Yes, it has a not-pudding-and-not-solid mushy kind of slimy consistency. And yes, we seriously do love it. So if you don’t have a thing for it, politely request a smaller slice buried in plenty of whipped cream to hide the color, taste and texture. And if you are really not into it, ask for it to go because you simply ate much too much but would hate to pass it up. Whatever you do, under no circumstances shall you blurt out your aversion to pumpkin pie. Trust me. Just don’t.
6) There will be Football
There will be a TV on during the holiday feast and it will be tuned to a football game. Uncle Kenny might be the only one watching from his rocking chair in the corner of the den and randomly give a hoop at the touch downs while calling out play-by-plays to the kitchen. He will intermittently be joined by other male attendees at various stages of the game. View it as your opportunity to get a breather from all the cheek pinching. Grab a beer and join Uncle Kenny. The two of you will be left alone in your invisible little man cave in the middle of the chaos only to be interrupted by servings of apple pie and almond-flavored coffee.
Every year one turkey is pardoned by the US President and no one knows why or ever asks if that means that the presidential family is eating chicken. That’s not important. Important is to know that that’s the way it is and since it might be mentioned in passing during the dinner, you should know who Cobbler and Gobbler or whoever the lucky duck – turkey – is that year.
8) Grace is usually said
At most Thanksgiving dinners, someone will be elected to say grace. You should pray in advance that it’s not you. If it is you, bow your head, adopt a solemn tone and be thankful for all the food and good friends. This should get you a nod of approval from Auntie Em. Now, in many households, part of saying grace includes holding hands. So don’t get anxious if Aunt Cath suddenly grabs hold of you at the table. She’s not getting fresh unless it’s after the first bite.
9) “So do they have refrigerators there?”
Statistically speaking, you get so many relatives together in one place, there’s just bound to be a lose nut in the bunch, or one who’s just living on the edge of Wackoville or simply severely deficient in social intelligence. Every family has it’s black sheep or two. Or three or four. So if you are from the Caucus and the high-honor-roll nephew asks if that’s where all Caucasians come from; from Austria, and Uncle Bert comments on his life-long love of kangaroos; from Venice and Nanna inquires about window blinds or from the Republic of Georgia and cousin Joe exclaims that they’ve flown through Atlanta once, please don’t take offense. It’s really just friendly (albeit ignorant) loving folks with good intentions and absolutely zero geographical knowledge trying to connect with you.
10) The Hangover
As you drive home from your first turkey dinner, in addition to the relief you’ll feel over your achievement of successfully surviving your first Thanksgiving feast and having the experience behind you (for at least a year), you will feel an extreme grogginess engulf your entire being. You will wonder how you will ever wrestle yourself out of bed at 4 am to get to the super Black Friday sale down at the local Get-it-Now Mart and you will suspect that Auntie Em is popping sleeping pills into her cranberries to outrace you at the Elf-on-a-Shelf giveaway. But Auntie Em will tell you it’s just the tryptophan in the turkey. Then some know-it-all on the ever-blaring TV will refute her claim and say it’s just because you’ve overeaten. But I would stick by Auntie Em’s turkey wisdom. After all, you want to be invited back next year when you will have mastered Thanksgiving 101 and be first in line for some pumpkin pie.
This week it’s me. Expat Blogger, KC’s Top 10 Favorite Austrian Things
1) Food Putenschnitzel hammered, breaded with a slice of lemon on the side and served with parsley potatoes (Petersilerdäpfel), a mixed salad gemischtes Salat) and a Seidel of Ottakringer. Then a Marillenpalatschinken (apricot crepes) with a Melange for desert.
2) Drink Grüner Veltliner
at the Heuriger Weinhof Zimmermann on a summer evening with a bunch of beloved friends.
3) Film or TV Show
“Liebesg’schichten und Heiratssachen” (Love and Marriage) Cause I’m a sucker for affairs of the heart and can’t resist rooting for the lonely tuba player from Burgenland who has never had a girlfriend but has an amazing collection of hoola dancing dolls and is looking for love on Austrian national television.
The show is produced by the very talented Austrian documentary maker – Elisabeth Spira (who also did the great “Alltagsgeschichten”) and the production crew is extremely talented at capturing people in their native environments, and finding just the right theme song for the lone wolf as he struts his stuff, nordic walking in the local park or playing catch with his guinea pig. Don’t miss this show – it’s a definite must-see. In fact, the US should consider a spin-off with all the US Eleanor Rigbys out there looking for love.
Master of the Deep POV, Arthur Schnitzler :
“Es gibt Herzen, in denen nichts verjährt.” (There are hearts immune from time’s lapses)
Bottle of Grüner Veltliner from Bründlmayer
***
“Sie fragen mich? Sollt es ihnen noch nicht aufgefallen sein, was für komplizierte Subjekte wir Menschen im Grunde sind. So vieles hat zugleich Raum in uns-! Liebe und Trug …Treue und Treulosigkeit… Anbetung für die eine und Verlangen nach einer anderen oder nach mehreren. Wir versuchen wohl Ordnung in uns zu schaffen, so gut es geht, aber diese Ordnung ist doch nur etwas Künstliches…Das Natürliche…ist das Chaos. Die Seele…ist ein weites Land..”
(You ask me? Have you not noticed, how complicated we humans at heart are. So much has room in us all at once! Love and deception… Loyalty and disloyalty … Worship for one and longing for another or more. We try to create order, insofar as possible, but this order is only generic… The Natural … is chaos. The soul … is a vast land...)
5) Month May (with December as a very close second)
I love the month when the city reawakens from its grey winter slumber and every cobblestone, street artist, daffodil and magpie comes to life.
Tel Aviv Beach, Donaukanal, 2nd District, Beach Bar, Vienna – May in Vienna
6) Place
On the terrace in summer at exactly 7 pm when the bells of surrounding churches begin to chime and the sun slowly descends
7) Historical Figure Karl Kraus sassy and klug, with his clever observations and controversial viewpoints, he certainly knew how to stir things up in the city steadfastly resistant to change .
“War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that he too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.” ***
“Everything that’s created remains as it was before it was created. The artist fetches it down from the heavens as a finished thing.” *** “Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden.” *** “Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess.” ***
“In Berlin, things are serious but not hopeless. In Vienna, they are hopeless but not serious.”
Krampus misunderstanding – he thinks KC’s been naughty
8) Tradition / Past time Krampuslauf
Oh the thrill that someone or something knows that impish side of you and if you don’t behave, will snatch you up and carry you off so you best be careful. Stay away from creatures with Ruten and baskets on or around December 5. And be good.
9) Song
Classical: Mozart‘s Clarinet concerto in A major, K. 622 (25 Mozart Favorites) was written in 1791, shortly before Mozart’s death – maybe I like it so much because for many years I tried my hand at playing clarinet and still have a soft spot for my old instrument despite my own obvious lack of talent.
mozart or “Wolfi” as the Austrians like to call him
Austropop: “Shakin My Brain” – Attwenger (see video below) – how can this song not make you laugh?
These guys ingeniously combine drums and an accordion with Upper Austrian dialect to come up with songs with the most inappropriate texts that capture the feeling of life in an Austrian small town. Artsy folky Volksmusik. These guys don’t take themselves too seriously and — I think — are musical geniuses.
10) Word
Oachkatzlschwoaf [‘ɔaxkatzlʃwɔaf] Eichkätzchenschweif – Small oak cat’s tail which is a small squirrel’s tail) – a so-called “Schibboleth” or language test that Austrians love to give to non-Austrians – Germans especiallyhttp://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Oachkatzlschwoaf – if you hang out in Austria long enough, you will eventually be challenged to Oachkatzlschwoaf. You will fail miserably and the Austrians will find this rather hilarious. Be good-humored, laugh along with them, then have a sip of Ottakringer while they recover from their laugh-induced hiccups and challenge them to a “squirrel’s tail” or “Valentine’s day” or “how much wood, would a wood-chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.” Who needs to ice-bucket when you can Oachkatzlschwoaf? Below is a little something to help you practice a bit and up your game.
ATTWENGER – SHAKIN MY BRAIN
Fascinating Dissertation by David Kleinberg with more info about Austrian dialect
Shibboleth: According to Judges 12:5-6, the Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim and only the survivors from Ephraim who could properly pronounce “Shibboleth” were spared death. 42,000 didn’t manage. So any word a group uses to distinguish members of that group through the ability to pronounce the word properly (Pittsburghers would fit this as well) is referred to as a “Shibboleth”
ORF – Liebesg’schichten und Heirratssachen (Act now! They are looking for singles as candidates for their 2016 show. Go for it! Show your princess-in-hiding your superior tuba skills)
) was written in 1791, shortly before Mozart’s death – maybe I like it so much because for many years I tried my hand at playing clarinet and still have a soft spot for my old instrument despite my own obvious lack of talent.
